As someone who writes for a living, I want to be sure to preface everything I’m about to say with this - I respect anyone who is willing to put themselves out there with an original idea, even if it’s not going to be the most popular with their readership.

I believe authenticity is the most important element to great content. I’m all for it!

With that said, I need to talk about something I read on NESN’s website on Thursday:

“With the firing of Nico Harrison happening on Tuesday, the Dallas Mavericks are being urged to blow things up and re-build around Cooper Flagg. This has convinced fans and pundits alike that Anthony Davis and/or Kyrie Irving could be traded soon.

“And while some Boston Celtics fans are already starting to dream about a trade for Davis, close to zero Celts fans are even considering a reunion with Kyrie, who is seen as a huge villain in Boston due to his rocky tenure with the Celtics.

“What Kyrie haters don’t realize, however, is that Boston could actually address three key issues by making a blockbuster trade with Dallas that brings Irving back to Boston.

“The following trade proposal involving Kyrie would improve Boston’s weak frontcourt situation, free up near future cap space, and reignite immediate contention hopes for the 2025-26 season…”

Before we dig into Colin Keane of NESN’s trade proposal, I just need to get out in front of this:

There is no universe where this trade goes down. Zero.

I know no one could have seen the Kyrie Irving-Isaiah Thomas trade coming when it did back in 2017. I know things have a way of changing, and wild stuff happens. Heck, Luka Doncic plays on the Lakers. I know these things happen.

This will not be one of those things.

When the Celtics traded for Irving in 2017, that was a different Irving. This organization knows what that experience is like now, and they want no part of that ever again. The power structure in place knows how important chemistry is to a team’s success. They saw what having an unhappy locker room with Irving as the main driver of animosity can do to a talented roster, as Boston flamed out of the postseason in 2019 despite having, arguably, the best team on paper in the conference. They also saw the exact opposite of that in 2024, when a group of professionals with no egos went wire-to-wire as the best team in basketball en route to their 18th championship in franchise history.

Brad Stevens witnessed it firsthand as the head coach. He’s not going to stick Joe Mazzulla with that burden. And whether he says it publicly or not, I know Jayson Tatum wants no part of the Kyrie Irving Experience again.

OK, back to the “trade.”

Here’s what Keane almost certainly used the NBA Trade Machine to cook up.

...oh and by the way, it’s a three-teamer:

Celtics receive: Kyrie Irving, Daniel Gafford, Dwight Powell

Mavericks receive: Jaylen Brown

Nets receive: Sam Hauser, 2032 second-rounder from Dallas

Here’s Keane’s rationale:

“So, why would the Celtics do this trade? Let’s start with the basketball reasons. Gafford would address Boston’s rebounding problems and give the Celts a prime-aged starting center for the next there-and-a-half seasons (Gafford is 27). Gafford’s contract is cheaper than anything the Celtics would find in free agency for a player of his caliber.

“Losing an NBA Finals MVP and franchise cornerstone in Brown would be extremely tough, but adding Irving and Gafford in exchange would make the Celtics a better team right away, especially if Jayson Tatum returns this season. Irving, by the way, is expected to return at some point early in 2026 (and he can’t be traded until December 15, it should be noted).

"This is what Boston’s rotation would look like once Kyrie and Tatum are back:

Starters:
Derrick White
Kyrie Irving
Jayson Tatum
Josh Minott
Daniel Gafford

Bench:
Payton Pritchard
Anfernee Simons
Hugo González
Jordan Walsh
Neemias Queta

Deep bench: Luka Garza, Chris Boucher, Xavier Tillman, Baylor Scheierman

“The above is a contending roster if healthy, especially in a weakened Eastern Conference. It’s also a better roster than the Celtics would have if they didn’t make the trade and remained constructed as is.”

What say you?

I know what I say.

I’d also like to make a quick PSA on the NBA Trade Machine, which might be the worst thing to ever happen to the basketball blogging industry:

Just because the machine says your hypothetical trade works, it doesn’t mean it actually works.

Like we see when issues with AI arise, the NBA Trade Machine does not account for narrative. It can’t read the human element part of things, and know that an Irving reunion with Boston is something that will never happen, so long as Tatum and Stevens are a part of the organization.

If the best player on your team doesn’t want it to happen, and your team president knows firsthand the dangers having that ego in the locker room can bring, then you can probably bet your mortgage on that deal never seeing the light of day.

Apologies for being so forceful with this. I just wanted to make sure I was clear before more blogs picked this piece up and started giving it oxygen.

I respect Keane’s efforts here. And I hope this doesn’t discourage him from trying out more funky stuff. But this ain’t it.

Tom Carroll is a contributor for Roundtable, with boots-on-the-ground coverage of all things Boston sports. He's a senior digital content producer for WEEI.com, and a native of Lincoln, RI.